you, know... i'm not in a really good mood right now
but no ones gives a crap even though i put those sentences on top with bold style
and by the way... my english is not so good. (It's bad... it really is) but i'm gonna write this in english so that i look a little bit cool ...
so... be it.
you know, i've been thinking about stuffs lately, but i couldn't spill it out. because....
it's weird
well, that's fun.. i just know blooger had this new format text, i'm gonna try that again
I had this really W E I R D thoughts in my head
yeaah..back to normal text.
yeah, i'm weird, everyone had their
Weird side right?
my weird side is... i'm a thinker.
i think.
you know?
when i'm alone... my mind flies to 'only-me-myself-my brain- my feelings' kind of land.
i think about my life... my weaknesses that slows me down, my positive side,
possibilities that i could have
the reasons or meanings behind problems
and sometimes, i made some kind of drama from the novel or stories that i just wrote... pretending that i'm the heroine, the center of the story.
and it's all on my mind.
there's so much random stuffs flying through my head, well i don't know why.
i really want to have someone who i can talk to. especially about stuffs like this... about life ?
some people don't wanna talk about it and hide it.
me too, i hide my thoughts and my real feelings. only because i don't think they will understand ooorrr... i haven't found someone who can just 'click' to my randomness stuffs on my head.
aaandd, now i'm starting to think about J.D from 'Scrubs'
see? i want a friend like that. like J.D and Turk... they are weird, they really are. but they seem comfortable with their self... and their weirdness.
while i am still here... alone with my thoughts.
i wanna share my feelings to people, but i think too much (see? i'm a thinker..)
i'm afraid people will see me as a weird person.
so i'm pretending to be nice. (well, most of the time)
it feels like i'm being 30% me , 70% others expectations.
yeah, i'm not comfortable with my self right now.
I'm a coward.
I'm just stay in this... Safe-zone
I play somebody else's role until i forgot my own self
then, it's stacked up on my head... and when it's full, i have to let it out
but i just can spill my thought on this blog...
well, that's obvious
because no one gives a crap on this blog
i don't have to worry about what other people think about me.
i'm just being me.
also... actually i always want to try talk dirty on social media, but i don't wanna do that...
okay, just once
i feel like shit right now, because i'm living peoples' expectation. damn it, why do i have to pretend at first, if i will regret it later. i shouldn't do that. but i'm afraid they'll kick my ass out if they found out who i really am.
why i still want to live in that kind of society anyway?
it's all because i play safe.
i don't dare to fight my self.
i feel like i'm doing good, but i don't.
i didn't make any progress, because i'm too scared that people gonna looked down on me and have bad thoughts about me.
i thought i'll be able to
look forward... forgetting the past
it's not like that at all.
my past haunts me every time i'm down ,
and i think about bad possibilities that could happen in the future, not the good opportunities
maybe that's also the reason why i broke up with him.
and i'm starting to ask my self now and my self in the future
'are you willing to change?'
'would you stop thinking, and just step forward?'
to my self in the future :
'whatever you do, don't regret what you have wrote today...
and also.. try to be yourself, don't be afraid to move forward..
that's all that i could say right now. even though i had so many homeworks to do and i'm feeling random right now, i still can give you this wise words because i'm a good pretender.
don't be such a coward, get out of your safe place, dude!'
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